The Science Of Roosters

According to a LIVE SCIENCE article, “Rooster's morning cock-a-doodle-doo is driven by an internal clock, finds new research, suggesting male chickens really know the time of day.”

All I have to say to that, is “Bull@#$%!” I’ve done an in depth study of my own, which has lasted an entire year. The study is called, “Damn Roosters Crow All Night, Every Night Study.” Either the Current Biology study is flawed science, or Caribbean chickens defy science.

With the help from a graduate student of the Dr. Doolittle School, we translated a rooster conversation to find out what is being said when they crow at ALL hours of the night. There was nothing in their conversation that indicated they had any damn idea what time it was. Like a teenage boy hitting puberty, they crow whenever the urge hits them, and that urge hits often and loudly.

The following (translated) conversation took place on the night of 14 May, 2019 somewhere around 2:15 a.m. It was one of many conversations that took place between three roosters on that night in my back yard in South Sound, Grand Cayman… while I was trying to sleep. Keep in mind ALL dialect was originally spoken in COCK-A-DOODLE-Dos.

Huggy: Yo! Felix!

Felix: What’s happening, Huggy?

Huggy: No ting, Mun. You seen Marley?

Marley: Over here, Mun.

Huggy: What? Speak up! Who dat?

Marley: I said, I’m over here, Mun!! Who you tink it is?

Felix: Anybody else hangin round?

Huggy: What!?

Marley: Clean you ears out, Mon! You goin deaf?

Huggy: Felix wants to know if anyone else is about!!

Trying to Sleep Dude (Me): Shut up you @#$% chickens!!! I’m trying to sleep!!

Marley: Hey, Marley. We woke da white dude again.

Felix: Dude sounds mad. Needs to go get some sleep.

Trying to Sleep Dude (Me): I thought roosters just crowed at sunrise!? SHUT UP!!

Marley: He needs to stop yelling. Gonna wake the neighbors.

Huggy: Who dat? Dat Belinda (the hen) over dere?

Marley: Hey, hey, Belinda! Lookin good tonight.

Felix: Hey, baby! Where you been!? Come see dis ole rooster.

Huggy: COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!! (Meaning nothing more than cock-a-doodle-doo).

Marly: COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!

Felix: COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!

Trying to Sleep Dude (Me): Good gawd, I hate chickens!

All of them: COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!, COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!, COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!

Belinda: cluck, cluck, cluck, while wagging her tail feathers.

All of them again: COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!, COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!

Trying to Sleep Dude (Me): Door slam.

CONCLUSION:

I have no idea what the Current Biology folks are talking about or where these mythical “sunrise only” roosters exist. As I finish this article at 10:45 PM, the roosters are crowing loud and clear out back. Perhaps they should reset their internal clocks.

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